Ethnocentrism 2025 🌊 Avery Trumbone and Mack Prince at It Again
“Three clueless Americans, one sensible guide, and a Japanese bathhouse that demolishes every expectation — absurd, hilarious, and culturally insightful.”
Ethnocentrism 2025
Roy, Avery Trumbone, and Mack Prince were three juniors navigating their college years at the University. Roy, measured and morally grounded, sought to understand, respect, and learn.
Avery and Mack measured the world in extremes: chaos, spectacle, and Red Hot Party-level fantasies.
The trip to Japan was framed as a cultural exchange. Roy saw it as a chance to understand nuances, especially after a Japanese girl he once dated had left him with questions.
Avery and Mack, however, saw only chaos and naked baths.
They exchanged a glance, thought for a beat, and finally muttered, “Do the bears shit in the woods? ✈️
On the flight, Roy reviewed notes on Japanese customs.
Avery and Mack speculated loudly: “Do you think the hot springs are co-ed?”
They exchanged a glance, thought for a beat, and finally muttered, “Do the bears shit in the woods?”
Both cracked up with laughter and excitement.
Avery’s legs bounced uncontrollably, as if tiny pogo sticks had been surgically attached to his knees. Mack’s head bobbled like a bobblehead should.
Everybody on the plane worried his head might bobble right off and hit the emergency doors midflight.
Kyoto pulsed with quiet order: bicycles, temples, and the scent of cedar trees (sugi, 杉) drifting from hidden groves. Roy read signs carefully;
Avery and Mack, heuristics in place, imagined nudity = Red Hot Parties = lots and lots of unbridled sex.
At the sentō, Roy bowed politely.
Avery whispered, “Dude, is that a check-in girl?” Mack nodded, eyes wide. Avery’s legs shook; Mack’s head bobbled once more.
Everybody worried it would hit the two-million-dollar aquarium in the lounging area.
Avery thought: “The Red Hot Parties I’ve imagined for five months should start pretty soon.”
Mack imagined fireworks, confetti, and cheerleaders parading across the bathwater, el natural, like peaches on a tree. 🍑
Roy shook his head. “You’re relying on shortcuts. Nudity here doesn’t equal co-ed. It’s about hygiene, respect, ritual.”
Stepping toward the entrance, Avery’s legs stilled and Mack’s head stopped bobbling. Something wasn’t right, though they couldn’t yet tell exactly what was going on.
Roy whispered, “Drop your towels. We’re entering the bathhouse — the sentō.”
Avery and Mack obeyed, trembling, revealing themselves… and the truth hit.
The bathhouse was full of elderly naked men, skin wrinkled and sagging, faces stirring quietly.
Both glimpsed an old butt or two and collapsed to the floor in cartoonish horror, eyes bugging, limbs flailing like sock puppets in a gale. A splash from a fountain hit Mack; Avery’s towel slipped. One old man chuckled softly, like a drumroll.
Avery’s hair bristled like a small, furious electric storm; Mack’s mirrored it, doubling the chaos. Avery kicked a stool; Mack flailed, splashing steam upward, spiraling into whimsical shapes: cats, fish, odd faces. A small rubber duck floated mockingly nearby.
Their heuristics — nudity = Red Hot Parties = sex — had utterly failed… or flailed.
Roy sighed. “Welcome to reality, gentlemen.” Assessing the scene, he performed CPR on both, shaking them gently. His Japanese for the AED came to him after seeing a “What to do in an emergency” video on the airplane.
Once they were brought back to life, Roy added, “Afterwards… sushi, raw squid, snail, and octopus.”
🦑 🐙 🐌
Avery and Mack blinked. The Red Hot Party heuristic had utterly betrayed them.
Roy adjusted his towel and said with a faint smile:
"Gentlemen… culture isn’t always what you think it is. But sushi? That’s always exactly what it is."
Avery and Mack just blinked, eyes glossed with blank stares, trapped in a continuous loop of Kangi and really old butts.
Note: SFX = sound effects. They are not literal noises like swish, clink-clank, or clickety-clack. They exist to create a sense of urgency, impact, or energy, appropriate to the scene.
[Panel 1: Avery panicking, arms flailing]
Avery: 「ペプトォオオオ！！どこだあああ！！！」
(Peptoooo!! Doko daaa!!! — Pepto!! Where is it!!)
SFX: ドドドド…
[Panel 2: Mack clutching his stomach, eyes wide]
Mack: 「ま、待て！俺たちの胃が…爆発しちゃうぅぅ！！！」
(Ma, mate! Oretachi no i ga… bakuhatsu shichauuu!!! — W-wait! Our stomachs… are gonna explode!!!)
SFX: ボンッ！
[Panel 3: Narrator box, dramatic zoom out]
Narrator: 「信じられない…二人とも突然日本語ペラペラ！」
(Shinjirarenai… futari tomo totsuzen Nihongo perapera! —
Unbelievable… they suddenly speak fluent Japanese!)
The end.
Final Rating: 99th percentile (elite-tier narrative flow, humor timing, and cultural satire)
Professional-grade humor writing, tight flow, and refined execution.
Summary: A satirical cultural misadventure in Kyoto that blends slapstick humor, social commentary, and razor-sharp wit, revealing how ignorance and expectation collide in steam, tradition, and laughter.
